The Importance Of Sleep

Babies And Sleep Deprivation: Effects On Emotional Stability

A friend of mine reminded me recently of a time when her twins were about 3 months old.  She had called me because she was furious at her husband for being insensitive, unappreciative, and selfish.  When I asked her what had happened, she explained that he had stayed up to do the midnight feeding so she could get a few hours of sleep.  But when he had come in to go to bed himself, he had “taken his belt off too loudly”.  When her husband suggested the intensity of her reaction was related to the fact that she hadn’t slept more that 4-5 hours (in 2 or 3 blocks of time) for weeks, she got even more angry. We laugh about it now, but it is a great example of what makes parenting newborns so hard.  

A recent study, done by Dr. Mathew Walker at UC Berkeley, explains this phenomenon which is all too familiar to new parents: Sleep deprivation makes it harder to manage stressful emotions.  In this experiment, healthy men and women were shown emotionally disturbing pictures after varying degrees of sleep deprivation. Brain scans showed significant differences in neural activity.  "Rather than the brain being dulled or suppressed in its activity when you're sleep deprived, we found that the deep emotional centers of the brain were approximately 60% more reactive when you're sleep deprived," said Dr. Walker (Medscape Psychiatry, October 25, 2013).

The parts of our brain that enable us to moderate our emotions by using logic, problem solving, and creating context for our experience are sleepy, while the survival “fight or flight” part of the brain is working in overdrive. And this situation in and of itself makes it even harder to understand what is happening at the time. 

So the lesson for new parents?  

• Most likely, regular 8 hour nights of uninterrupted sleep are not in your near future.  But make it an actual priority to get as many naps as you can squeeze in.  People always tell moms to nap when the baby naps - and this advice is often ignored because of the piles of other uncompleted tasks that are building up.  
• Learn to ask for (and accept) help.  This is a great time to develop this important skill.  It really does take a village.  If people offer help, tell them what you need.  If you have a fridge full of lasagnas, let them tidy up your house or hold your baby while you sleep.  
• Keep mindful of the fact that sleep deprivations makes you more vulnerable and reactive so you can try to step back and breath when overwhelmed. Relaxation breathing actually helps to change brain activity.
• If you and your partner (or other sources of support) are snapping at each other,  cut each other a little slack and take things one day at a time. It will get easier.

Preserving your mental health is an important part of caring for yourself, your baby, and your family.  In the words of may wise flight attendants across the globe, “In the event of an emergency, if you are traveling with young children, put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping your child.”