Brene Brown: The Power of Vulnerability

I spent quite a bit of time thinking about how to post this TED Talk without letting the title scare people away. As Dr. Brown says in this talk, “Vulnerability sucks.  I wanted to learn all about it so I could kick it’s ass.” And yet she learned through her research that vulnerability is the source of connection, and that connection is what gives us purpose and meaning in our lives.  “What we know is that the ability to feel connected is why we are here...It is neuro-biologically how we are wired.”

She discovered that the thing which most disrupts connection is shame, defined as the fear of disconnection.  It is the universal belief that if we let our imperfect selves be fully seen, we won't be worthy of connection.  She found that the difference between people who feel a strong sense of love and belonging and people who struggle for it, is whether or not they feel they are worthy of love and belonging.  Allowing ourselves to have compassion for ourselves, to know and to share our vulnerability is the core of closeness and connection.

It reminds me of a story I heard told by Jack Kornfield about a group of Buddhist monks who were given a variety of psychological evaluations.  Researchers found that these monks had similar unresolved personal, psychological, and occupational issues as typical Americans. The difference that Kornfield noted in his talk was that these monks were not ashamed of these issues.  Rather, they were kind of amused by them.  He suggested that the happiness and peace that these meditators feel in their lives is possible because their issues do not lead to self criticism.  In other words, they do not cause the monks to feel less worthy.  The do not cause feelings of shame.

In her TED talks, Dr. Brown shares her personal and academic discoveries in her research.  With humor and humility, she shares her insights about love, connection, compassion and parenting.  Take the time to watch them.  They are well worth the 20 minutes.

And here is part 2...